Nightmares

Dreams are very telling for me. They have been over the last couple of years. I may have whined about my lucid dreaming experiences, but later on have seen their utility in my life and have learned to accept it as a rare gift. I guess you can say that I’m one of those people who have bought into the Jungian view about the unconscious and their manifestations in dreams (better than Freudian, I think!). Guidance from a trained Jungian has taught me to understand my own psyche and the unconscious that lies latent. But experience has also taught me that there are never any definitive, linear interpretations to dreams. We can take stabs at what they mean, and most of the time, if you are attuned to your inner life, I honestly believe that they reveal amazing insight into emotions, feelings shoved deep in our unconscious. But again, you can fall into the dangerous trap of overanalysis and come out with the conclusion that rarely is there ever an absolute answer.

I have been feeling physically drained all week, which is quite ironic because this is the week that I don’t have anything outside of work planned. My schedule has been wide freaking open, I have to rub my eyes in disbelief. I don’t remember the last time I had a week like this! I can always tell when my cycle is looming over my head like a dark, heavy rain cloud. Exhaustion and craving for unhealthy salt-laden food is symptomatic. I can tell that this week is that week.

I skipped the confounding and nonsensical (to me, at least) Irish revelry and traded it in for a cozy night under the covers. I wasn’t prepared for the assault of nightmares (two that I can count).

I will not go into details, but I understood that the fear that I dare not confront in waking life intruded my dreaming life. Why? Just because that’s what dreams do. That’s what their purpose is. They say that when we are in our waking states, our egos are very safe and comfortable. Our egos let their guards down when we are asleep, which then makes for a conducive, safe backdrop for our unconscious to come out and play.

After almost two years of solitude (well....they were all mere flings, after all), I find myself on the verge of something beautifully and instantaneously terribly serious. During the day, I am the warrior, strong and ready for the battle again. At night, I’m the helpless, fearful princess trapped in the fortress waiting to be rescued. Apparently.

I may be unconventional in the sense that I am grateful for bad dreams, especially those that rock you to the core. It’s YOU telling YOU something, and the more important the message is, the more forceful the dream will be. And because you have been told, you are now in the position to ACT.

I processed today and I feel re-energized, rejuvenated. It makes me feel good that I understand the workings of my life a little bit more. A Buddhist teaching reverberated with me throughout the day that is helping me be a little less scared:


The nature of everything is impermanence. If we look at everything – relationships, loving people – through the impermanent nature of reality, if we look at, say, a water glass and understand that it is ALREADY BROKEN, then our relationship with it completely changes. If we love people as if we have already lost them (fatalistic or not, THAT is the eventuality of EVERYTHING), we become less afraid because when you think about it, who else are you not going to lose?

Namaste, high tens, cartwheels, and now, chaines….