Monday, September 20, 2010

All Grown Up Now

It’s fascinating how opportunities for awakening can take so many different forms. The Colonel came to see me last week after months and months of absence. We hugged fiercely. She was bawling while I held her and was held by her. She said I was stoic, but in truth, I felt an immense amount of love that was indescribable. In a flash, I caught a glimpse of what life must have been life like for her in the last few months, but I felt no sadness or grief. Only a tremendous, overwhelming feeling of love.

Just as she is an altered person, I’m a different person from when she left a few months ago.

I am all grown up now.

There are only a few people who truly see me with vision that goes beyond the senses. It can be unnerving because around these people, I cannot hide. To do so will be a dishonor. Here’s a profound realization after the Colonel’s return: When I cannot be accountable to myself, when I fail my own self out of trembling fear, I have to be responsible to these people who see me. When I choose to look away and pretend I don’t see, I need my head yanked so I am forced to see what I need to see for my own salvation.

I have to once and for all own my destiny. I cannot keep letting other people carry that for me.


My prayer today is that the entire Universe – sentient or otherwise – be filled to the brim with all the love that is beyond our human imagination.

1 comment:

  1. I am glad that I am inspiring you to write, and I hope I didn't yank too hard!

    Yes, Love is the answer, and if your heart is filled with it, there is no room for malice. My prayer all last week was that there would be no malice in my heart. I am still in prayer over that.

    Thanks for your wisdom, my yoda. I, too, must not let other people carry my give it away is the easiest thing to do, but we must not relent.