I had a dream last night that I damaged my passport. I vaguely remember something about shards of broken glass between its leaves that somehow evoked this immense anxiety that I will not be able to travel because of these pieces of shattered glass. It was literally a nightmare. I woke up and my heart was palpitating so fast. I had this tremendous and immobilizing feeling of being stuck that took a while to shake off. Are there any Jungians in the house?
Before bed and in between reading about world and national news, I spent hours after hours poring over travel websites, trying to come up with a short list of plausible destinations for the international trips I have set my eyes on. I am big on birthdays, especially my own. While I like to celebrate with people, it has been an unwritten pact of sorts with myself that I celebrate my birthday doing the things that I love most.
I have my eyes set on South America in July for my birthday, and then Europe (at long last!) in September for all the birthdays prior to this one (why not?). It's still a little silly to be planning this early, but both destinations are not exactly small continents and I at least want to be able to narrow down the country/ies that I would be most fascinated by since I don't really have that much vacation time, when it comes down to it. I started researching packages to random South American countries and I was surprised to see how expensive they cost and how long the flights were. Excuse my ignorance, but I didn't realize that South America was THAT far. Between the two trips, Europe will have to take precedence so if I have to give up Argentina, Brazil or Colombia, I just might have to... Although, I am THIS close to a free flight to Europe with my miles, so maybe if I get double miles on the SoAm trip, even if I spend a little bit more, at least I'm guaranteed a free roundtrip to Paris. Hmmmm....
Sometimes, I worry that I am gripped by the pangs of stagnancy, and like a little child trying to get away from an (imaginary) monster, I fight and squeal with all that is within my little soul. Although a voracious traveler, I have not really gone to many countries and yet already, traveling has enriched my life in countless and nameless ways. I have been blessed to have met my God in places that took my breath away and drove me to tears, that make me fall madly in love and break my frail heart - and sometimes when you are least prepared, those all come to you in a single place (Manila comes to mind). My life has been touched by the hundreds of strangers and friends alike whose paths intersected with mine at brief intervals, but have all given me little grains of their own wisdom, joy, and humanity.
It's kind of a weird feeling to try to stay put for seven months, but I try to get out as much as I could. It feels strange but purposeful to be holding out for something grander and bigger. Kind of like Love, yeah? I have been in San Francisco practically every other weekend, which just kicks awesome gluteus maximus and makes the waiting entertaining. I just got off the phone with one of my best friends back in Manila and she is flying to LA in a few weeks so I will definitely need to plan a weekend in SoCal soon. There's dance festivals here and there and if I train hard enough, I might get to be a traveling performing dancer by early summer.
In the very short term, the goal is to curl up in bed wrapped up in fleece while the bright white snow casts a luminous glow outside.
Namaste!
P.S. If you have any insights on South America itineraries on the cheap, do drop a line! I'm dying to get in the know! Colombia is topping the charts right now (outranked Argentina... it's salsa over tango), but bear in mind that I will be most likely traveling solo, so I need to go somewhere safe for a soltera. And also, I only speak about 30% Spanish, at best. :)
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