Thursday, February 3, 2011


After I got struck by the nasties, I purposely took a week-long imperative hiatus from dancing. On top of recharging my depleted batteries and avoiding contaminating others, I felt like I was in the danger of making “the dancer” an identity. I’m very careful about these things because life has taught me that such identities (in fact, any identity that you build your life around) are extremely volatile and impermanent. Dancing has taken over a huge part of my life, but I watch that I do not lose myself entirely in it. I still want to be a functional human being without the dancer. I would like to make space for things that have nothing to do with dance. I still want to feel complete and full without it.

So my batteries are full again. I have been getting very delicious shut-eyes and have had the time to make a few homecooked meals. I have lost the bags under my eyes and although I have lost the tan I got in Thailand/Philippines, I notice a healthy flush in its place. Ladies and gentlemen, I am in cartwheel mode again.

Not to invalidate what I just said about the dancing, but I went to an audition for a salsa performance team on Monday. I was very happy with how I did. I felt ready. I felt that I have grown so much as a dancer in the last five months. Whether or not the team director agrees is still up in the air (I should find out by tomorrow), but even that decision is immaterial to me. I have found an amazing piece of myself that is given the privilege of expression. A lot of people take it for granted, but passion, now that I have had mouthfuls of it, is very important to me. That awareness takes me from merely existing to living, from autopilot to presence.

I am almost unbearably giddy for this weekend. The Aussie has scheduled us for a private lesson with Mike dela Costa in Sacramento, before dancing to international names in latin dance music including Victor Manuelle and Bachata Heightz in San Francisco.

La vida es my bonita.
I feel incredibly like a quadrillion dollars and I am going to dwell in it for as long as it will have me.


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